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The week

Posted 09-04-2008 at 07:41 PM by sweetiepie
Updated 09-07-2008 at 07:14 PM by sweetiepie

It's been boney, tangential, unproductive, cruel? I don't know. Generally speaking, it's been more like the end of March than the end of Summer. And everyone seems to be losing their cellphones.

I didn't sleep much last night because I was up till 2 playing laser tag in the park. It's just as well, I'm not doing anything real today, just studying for the next exam and applying in bulk for jobs. I'm about at the point where I'm going to stop filling out ******* HR resume builders, and start (annoyingly) emailing Chief Actuaries at random. I also got poison ivy up and down my wrists last night, so it feels like I attempted suicide. For the record, I would never simply attempt suicide. If I was going to try, I would be successful. Not that I intend to. Even if it is the end of Summer and feeling like the end of March.

My friend Linda is coming. She is photo shooting little kids. She loves little kids. She is, almost, a little kid herself, except for having grown old and extremely cynical. Then again, I was cynical as hell when I was 10. On the phone, Linda told me that she has to wipe their noses. She also told me that she has decided against casual sex because she realized, the other day, that she doesn't even know if she was the last person to have kissed the man in question. I told her she better wipe her hands.

I tried to study, I tried to apply. I went to McDonalds and to a gas station. When I got back I was whistling the blues, which got my dog all excited, which made me feel bad for him. Then I discovered that he had peed on the living room floor and I felt less bad, and when I got a paper towel to wipe it up I stepped in some poop in the kitchen. I better clean myself too. Maybe the libertarians are right. **** the small and innocent people that used to make up this world. Of course I bet even Ayn Rand had a cat.

Despite my general summertime lackadaisicalness I did get off an application to The Hartford. Did you know that Wallace Stevens used to be the VP there?

O thin men of Haddam,
Why do you imagine golden birds?
Do you not see how the blackbird
Walks around the feet
Of the women about you?

Haddam, I remember, is a small town in Connecticut, near Hartford. So, I suppose this bit could be more about his employees, his actuaries even, and less about middle eastern folklore. Meanwhile, Harvard University offered him a faculty position. He rejected it, and I would too. Better to manage quiet able minded actuaries than teach elitist uber-spoiled Ivy kids who think they know how to write and really really don't.

I have to admit, I haven't done that well Re: the women about me either. I should be choreographing blackbirds, but instead I've been too worried about the the long term effects of hypnotism on the female soul.

That, and I just haven't been able to get the one I want.

And the March filled Summer hasn't helped things either. The other day, for example, I tried to run to the gym but I was dry and exhausted halfway there, and lost, among girls wearing tight skirts giving everyone, including themselves, hard stares. And the roses in my neighbor's yard smelled so rosy, you friggin couldn't believe. With everything so hazy and so balefully beautiful, it's a wonder we can talk at all.
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